If you’re so inclined part 4 – Delay 

Procedure postponed because the patient is ill.  😷 fever has to break etc…   before they can operate.  The new date is February 1 or 2.  A rather long (relatively speaking) delay but he has to be otherwise well before going under.  

Then Billy Bob tells me … oh I forgot … if this doesn’t work … there’s an even more invasive procedure to remove part of esophagus and move his stomach up.  They’re still saying the nodules are NOT cancer but could become cancer.  

Borrowing a line from Claire Pritchett of Modern Family   “what fresh hell is this”. So this laymen is firing up WebMD.  I need answers. 

As always more to come.  

Belated JusJoJan ~ A Must Read To See Eleanor Roosevelt’s PEARLS Of Wisdom.  The Link In The Middle Is Hers. The Rest Is Mine.  

She’s dying

But not today

My mantra and perhaps the start to some pretty heavy poetry.  A sad beautiful tale waiting to be told. 

And like that, she is gone again.  Back to school; to resume her new life.  One that takes her away from me.  

I wondered which one of us would pick the fight … to make leaving easier. These past weeks have been like waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop.  When would the inevitable argument ensue?

And last night at dinner, it was her, she threw down the gauntlet albeit lightly.  Just a nudge to piss me off. I didn’t rise to the bait though.  Internally seething 😤. 

Afterwards I unloaded on those closest to us.  Doing so eased my pain.  And placed a wedge between Billy Bob and me.  The wedge will melt.  It always does. At least so far.  

Back to work this morning; I am still hurting. Catching up on emails first.  Easing back in.  And this gem was just waiting for me.  The following was shared with me by my fearless friend.  

7 Tips For A Wonderful, Exciting Life From Eleanor Roosevelt Herself

The above link includes my wishes for Lulu.  For all young woman really.  Hell for females in general or throw gender out … Humankind could benefit from these tips.  It’s all about emPowerment!

Overly dramatic.  Uh well … of course. Have you not read anything from me yet ?!? 😂 I am after all the queen comma drama.  Or if you prefer passionate.  

And hey wait! this could have been my JusJoJan  themed post.  Pretty, poetry, pain, passion all arising from a desperate need to find perfection. Not only to be perfect but to make Lulu perfect.  How’s that for pure punishment?   Alas perfection is an illusion.  The need to be perfect, to control and try to make my already beautiful daughter my ideal of perfection has kept me from unconditional love.  Guilty! I am guilty.  And given the choice, I know now that I will ALWAYS choose love 💜

As always more to come.  

#JusJoJan

From Facebook.  Two  Years Ago Today. RHCP 🎶🎶

Flipping channels via voice command on the drive back from dinner … conversation goes something like this …

Me: Tune XM10 

Then Red Hot Chili Peppers.  Otherside pops on, just starting. 

Me continued: I LOVE this song!!! I have not heard it in forever

Lulu: Me too!

Me: How do you even know this song or was that sarcasm 😉

Lulu: Mom really ??!? you played that entire CD on a loop for 1/2 my childhood. Not only do I know it, it’s my ringtone

Me: one happy momma

And then we sang … out loud and a little off key … but we knew all the words … came back into memory … just like it was yesterday

Rock on FB friends and fam – have a wonderful weekend
Added to WP  1/17/17
As always more to come