A watch pot never boils
Time waits for no one
For as long as I can remember, I have had ways to soothe myself which were legal and not harmful. I didn’t realize why I was doing what I was doing, I just did it! A silly little game of drawing a “nervous” candle and then X’ing out the flame. The act of making that X destroyed the flames and away went the nervous energy. I drew pages and pages of these candles. Can you say obsessive? But it worked.
Now one pays good money in therapy to get anti-anxiety techniques. When my thoughts were overwhelming, I played repetitive games like the candle game or I got up and moved. Why yes you CAN shake it off. Thank you T Swift!! And while some of what I did may not last long-term, a change of scenery does a world of good. So does occupying your mind with something other than the madness. I don’t mean to make light or over simplify; I just share what worked for ME. I don’t claim to have a corner on what works for anyone else.
Have any of you watched the new show American Housewife? Katy Mixon and Diedrich Bader aka Katie & Greg Otto are awesome. The youngest daughter, Anna-Kat does all these hand gestures to combat her anxiety. You may have watched the recent episode where they forego meds despite the almost constant, “that child should be medicated!” They are trying everything else first. Where the hell was this fictional sit-com family when I needed them??? I wished someone had advised me to try everything else first. I (we because daddy was here too) made the wrong decision regarding our child. Once that monkey is on your back, getting him the fuck off is hard. That’s a bridge we will cross together one day I hope. I have to believe things can be fixed. In the meantime, I am glad shows like this exist to bring awareness to the issues.
Die if you do, die if you don’t. Yes this is life or death stuff. To medicate or not to medicate, that is the question. I watch a piece of my heart, my child, who is stuck on a cycle of meds are not really working but stopping is terrifying.
I firmly believe mental illness is a REAL illness. As real as diabetes. We still have ways to go to understand all the diseases of the mind though. I believe the mind is powerful, steel or titanium and that makes me believe that the mind can be healed. And cue the eye rolls, right on time. I know people who do not agree. “Snap out of it” they say. “Fuck you” I say! If it were only that simple, we’d all be mentally well.
Left with no answers, so I am just venting. As always, more to come.