I think I’ve always been a weirdo

And that’s OK because I’m saying it about myself.   For as long as I can remember I’ve been a nervous person.   I overcompensated and somehow I lucked into this life that is blessed and that I would not trade for anything else in the world.  It’s as good as it gets.   However I realize that nothing is perfection.   In fact, things really fucking suck right now.   

I said early on in my “About Me” or maybe one of my first few posts that I wouldn’t tell other peoples stories.  Right now my life is a classic example of someone else’s story.  I sit here powerless and watching events unfold.  

It is weirdo nervousness that is making things worse than they truly are.   I’m an enigma.  A fatalist Pollyanna!  WTF!   

I worry.  I know I do that for no reason and I’m powerless to stop myself.  And even if I have my reasons, worrying changes nothing.  I feel awful; this cycle is vicious.   I’ve recently been helped immensely by reading my fellow bloggers pearls of wisdom.  I grab onto those words like a life raft in this unreal virtual world 🌎.  Some of you have no idea how much you’ve impacted my life.  

Hey wait a minute “real” is relative.  I think real equates to people who know me in my face to face life and in the blogosphere it’s unreal because we’ve never met face-to-face.  Yeah and despite that, I’ve shared some pretty horrific things … personal things with you. As I sit here musing, I’m struck by how humankind is connected.  Despite our differences we are more alike than we some times admit. 

As always, more to come. 

2 thoughts on “I think I’ve always been a weirdo

  1. I think the anonymity found in the blogosphere gives many the opportunity to share their truths with a freedom that eludes in our every day lives….we are all so much more alike than mainstream society would have us believe or admit—especially when it comes to our struggles….thanks for sharing πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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