I think I’ve always been a weirdo

And that’s OK because I’m saying it about myself.   For as long as I can remember I’ve been a nervous person.   I overcompensated and somehow I lucked into this life that is blessed and that I would not trade for anything else in the world.  It’s as good as it gets.   However I realize that nothing is perfection.   In fact, things really fucking suck right now.   

I said early on in my “About Me” or maybe one of my first few posts that I wouldn’t tell other peoples stories.  Right now my life is a classic example of someone else’s story.  I sit here powerless and watching events unfold.  

It is weirdo nervousness that is making things worse than they truly are.   I’m an enigma.  A fatalist Pollyanna!  WTF!   

I worry.  I know I do that for no reason and I’m powerless to stop myself.  And even if I have my reasons, worrying changes nothing.  I feel awful; this cycle is vicious.   I’ve recently been helped immensely by reading my fellow bloggers pearls of wisdom.  I grab onto those words like a life raft in this unreal virtual world 🌎.  Some of you have no idea how much you’ve impacted my life.  

Hey wait a minute “real” is relative.  I think real equates to people who know me in my face to face life and in the blogosphere it’s unreal because we’ve never met face-to-face.  Yeah and despite that, I’ve shared some pretty horrific things … personal things with you. As I sit here musing, I’m struck by how humankind is connected.  Despite our differences we are more alike than we some times admit. 

As always, more to come. 

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