A Cry For Help

I fear my daughter is binge eating. I do not know the extent at this time.  I only have circumstantial evidence but said evidence is strong indicating that something is going on.  This is not story I ever wanted to write but the secrecy is taking its’ toll and who knows maybe someone out there can help or has suggestions and encouragement.  

The mister would be livid to know I am doing this but I am doing this anyway because it is all I can do.  The choice to stay silent and do nothing fills me with dread.  I am not an expert on what is happening but if I have to make this my life’s new work, I will.  What I have read rocks me to my core.  I see no end and help is out of reach.  I’ve always been a worse case scenario type while the mister is the opposite.  My rational mind knows the truth is probably something in between.  Bottom line is if she does not want to be helped, nothing will work.  She has to want to it. Right now she is in denial.  She has lied to me.  

I am very sad and not functioning properly. Two nights is a row with almost no sleep.  I must get a grip.  I am trying my best to be patient so that I do not react too quickly and/or overreact and make matters worse. I fear that confronting her and making her own up to something that has to be the root cause of so much shame and pain will only make matters worse.  

My therapist is helping me.  Her opinion is that confrontation could cause a spiral.  I know my child (even with her secrets) and confronting her now would cause irreparable harm.  Push her right over the edge.  My baby needs this to cope (maladjusted coping but coping nonetheless) and without it she could possibly resort to something much worse. I believe to her the  worst thing possible would be to know that we (her parents) know her secret.  So I watch and wait in a powerless position; I am ready to swoop in if/when there is real proof of something life threatening.  I hope I don’t regret this choice and reach a point of no return.  

Support with unconditional love is hard.  Sometimes love is not enough yet in absence of control not sure what else to do but love without judgment.  Hanging on tight for dear life and praying.  

As always, more to come.