Forgiveness Is Just Another “F” Word

Last Saturday Billy Bob and I spent time with all our kids.  Pony and Wise came over since Lulu was home from school.  They brought us a turkey which they had been given at work. That turkey is thawing in my refrigerator and is what we will eat tomorrow evening.  We also broke bread together and went to the movies.  Nothing out of the ordinary yet exceptional because spending time together is extraordinary.  Life is short, time well spent is precious.

When they arrived here, Billy Bob was still painting.  The rest of us were inside talking.  All week we had been trying to pin down Billy Bob on our Thanksgiving Day plans.  The conversation went something like this:

Pony “Did Lulu tell you?¬† If Momo and Popo¬†will be¬†here, then Wise and I¬†will just see you later”

Wise “Don’t be that way”

Pony “What way? I can’t forgive her and I can’t stand to see her”

Me “I¬†was¬†going to lie … tell them we are not doing¬†anything and that you have to work”

Me continued “but your dad won’t lie which is why so far he had not told them anything”

Pony “I know you think I should forgive them but I can’t”

Lulu “Here’s what mom told me, forgiving them is not for THEM, it is for YOU!”

Me “Yes the hatred¬†is eating¬†you alive. ¬†You are only making yourself¬†sick, tired and angry. ¬†You think they feel bad? ¬†Newsflash, they don’t! ¬†You can only control your reaction. ¬† If your dad can forgive them, you should too”

Pony “I think we should lie. What was he going to do anyway? ¬†Tell them you’re not invited to Thanksgiving because we’d rather see Pony and Wise than to see you”

Me “Yes, that’s about right. ¬†It is honest. ¬†Brutally so but honest”

Pony “Dammit, too bad¬†he is not more like us … you know something missing inside. ¬†Lol”

Pony continued, tearing up “And it is not about selling the ranch. ¬†That fucking sucked. ¬†But that is just dirt. ¬†I am pissed because of what this did to him. ¬†I can‚Äôt forget the day when we were clearing off all our stuff. ¬†The last day there ever! ¬†Before we left,¬†we went to D’s grave one last time. ¬†And I saw that look on his face. ¬†Only about 3 seconds before it was gone. ¬†It was ANGUISH mom, that’s his brother. ¬†Plus I still think she¬†didn’t need to do this. ¬†She chose to do this among other options”

All I could do was hug him. ¬†My first born son. ¬†The ties that bind us run so very deep. ¬†And then he says “Fuck it, they can come and we’ll be here too”

Here’s to hoping you do not read about us in the metro section of the SA Express newspaper or hear about us on the 6 o’clock news. ¬†Happy Day Before Turkey Day to All of You!

As always, more to come.