I’m So Happy I Could Cry

I wonder where that expression came from??  I’ve always said I was going to make a list of colloquialisms and research the origins.  What a fine and interesting book that would make!! But that is not the point of this story.  I’m not going down the rabbit hole; I  will stay on task.

Today was a heavy day.  Heavy as in 70s slang meaning serious or intense.  First thing this morning, I read some life altering news about a former co-workers’ son.  Put things in my life right into perspective.  Yep! straighten the hell up and fly right! (another colloquialism, one cannot escape them).  As I cried over the accident, my tears were not necessarily sad.  While there was some sadness; my tears were also soulful, full of hope and in recognition of the humanity of mankind and the goodness of people even in loss.  Especially in loss.  I was humbled by this amazing family, how they are dealing with this accident is inspirational.

My mind wanders as my mind often does and I remembered a time in my life where I was medicated and felt nothing.  The Zoloft days or daze as the case may be.  I vividly remember sitting on the couch, watching TV, maybe just the nightly news and I think to myself “what the hell is wrong with me? that is awful; just tragic and I should be bawling but instead I feel nothing, empty”  Of course after the roller coaster emotional life circumstances that got me on the medication to begin with, feeling nothing at all was a relief.  However, feeling nothing was no way to live and not sustainable.  I stopped taking Zoloft and reclaimed my feelings.

Today I am ALIVE!  I feel a full range of emotions and I welcome those feelings:  The good, the bad and the ugly. Big scheme of things, I am blessed beyond measure.  I know from experience that happy would not be so happy without sadness and joy would not be so joyful without the pain.  Dare I say sadness and pain are valuable beyond compare.

Anyway, we have three more days until our milestone anniversary.  It’s about to get real up in here.  Doh! that makes 3 ;).

As always, more to come.


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