I’m So Happy I Could Cry

I wonder where that expression came from?? ¬†I’ve always said I was going to make a list of colloquialisms and research the origins. ¬†What a fine and interesting book that would make!! But that is not the point of this story. ¬†I’m not¬†going down the rabbit hole; I ¬†will stay on task.

Today was a heavy day. ¬†Heavy as in 70s slang meaning serious or intense. ¬†First thing this morning, I read some life altering¬†news about a former co-workers’ son. ¬†Put things in my life right into perspective. ¬†Yep! straighten the hell up and fly right! (another colloquialism, one cannot escape them). ¬†As I cried over the accident, my tears were not necessarily sad. ¬†While there was¬†some sadness; my tears were also soulful, full of hope and in recognition of the humanity of mankind and the goodness of people even in loss. ¬†Especially in loss. ¬†I was humbled by this amazing family, how they are dealing with this accident is inspirational.

My mind wanders as my mind¬†often does and I remembered a time in my life where I was medicated and felt nothing. ¬†The Zoloft days or daze as the case may be. ¬†I vividly¬†remember sitting on the couch, watching¬†TV, maybe just the nightly news and I think to myself¬†“what the hell is wrong with me? that is awful; just tragic and I should be bawling but instead I feel nothing, empty” ¬†Of course after the roller coaster emotional life circumstances that got me on the medication to begin with, feeling nothing at all was a relief. ¬†However, feeling nothing¬†was no way to live and not sustainable. ¬†I stopped taking Zoloft and reclaimed my feelings.

Today I am ALIVE!  I feel a full range of emotions and I welcome those feelings:  The good, the bad and the ugly. Big scheme of things, I am blessed beyond measure.  I know from experience that happy would not be so happy without sadness and joy would not be so joyful without the pain.  Dare I say sadness and pain are valuable beyond compare.

Anyway, we have three more days until¬†our milestone anniversary. ¬†It’s about to¬†get real up in here. ¬†Doh! that makes 3 ;).

As always, more to come.