I wonder where that expression came from?? I’ve always said I was going to make a list of colloquialisms and research the origins. What a fine and interesting book that would make!! But that is not the point of this story. I’m not going down the rabbit hole; I will stay on task.
Today was a heavy day. Heavy as in 70s slang meaning serious or intense. First thing this morning, I read some life altering news about a former co-workers’ son. Put things in my life right into perspective. Yep! straighten the hell up and fly right! (another colloquialism, one cannot escape them). As I cried over the accident, my tears were not necessarily sad. While there was some sadness; my tears were also soulful, full of hope and in recognition of the humanity of mankind and the goodness of people even in loss. Especially in loss. I was humbled by this amazing family, how they are dealing with this accident is inspirational.
My mind wanders as my mind often does and I remembered a time in my life where I was medicated and felt nothing. The Zoloft days or daze as the case may be. I vividly remember sitting on the couch, watching TV, maybe just the nightly news and I think to myself “what the hell is wrong with me? that is awful; just tragic and I should be bawling but instead I feel nothing, empty” Of course after the roller coaster emotional life circumstances that got me on the medication to begin with, feeling nothing at all was a relief. However, feeling nothing was no way to live and not sustainable. I stopped taking Zoloft and reclaimed my feelings.
Today I am ALIVE! I feel a full range of emotions and I welcome those feelings: The good, the bad and the ugly. Big scheme of things, I am blessed beyond measure. I know from experience that happy would not be so happy without sadness and joy would not be so joyful without the pain. Dare I say sadness and pain are valuable beyond compare.
Anyway, we have three more days until our milestone anniversary. It’s about to get real up in here. Doh! that makes 3 ;).
As always, more to come.
J-Dub's Grin and Bear It 