Calgon take me away … the commercial from yesteryear is something I frequently use as a mental method to curb my anxiety. Deep breaths and visual imagery work wonders too. Up until this point, I have come to realize that whatever I am imagining is never a bad as it seems at the time … in the heat of the moment. I worry and waste time, always to be proven wrong.
Now I am in the middle of a quandary, will this be the first time I am proven right? TMI alert but the need to get this out of my system far outweighs my need for privacy.
I am trying to find out why I have left side quadrant pain. For YEARS! I went through a series of tests, all negative … though a little arthritis, scoliosis, stenosis, but still no cause for the radiating pain. I recently stopped some meds and pain came back with a vengeance so we are trying again, checking a new avenue with a new MRI. But halt, in the midst of all this, I start bleeding – otherwise known as PMB. What, the what!! that should NOT be happening. Now the results of the MRI are the least of my worries. I feel like I am dreaming. Calgon take me away.
I jump to WebMD, very straightforward, clinical, helpful but not enough. I review link after link … Multiple sites, tell me not to worry, just rule out the cause. More common than we think … A bright statistic 90% of PMB can be attributed to something besides cancer BUT that is 90% of women on Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT). Scratch that, I am not on HRT. Another bright statistic – Stage 1 endometrial cancer has 96% five-year survival rate.
The following was left out of my prior Ouch blog, focused instead on the MRI, lesser of two evils. That plus being in denial. Plus I am always proven wrong, remember?!??!
Friday 9/9, I went to the Nurse practitioner (NP) at my OB/GYN. Felt silly because the bleeding had stopped but went in any way in case the weekend brought forth more. I was told, never ignore this particular symptom. I had an exam and “an oh, we may have found the cause”. Still an appointment was made for further evaluation, sonogram and depending on outcome, another type of biopsy. The ‘oh’ removed and sent to the labs.
I received good news this morning, biopsy of the ‘oh’ was negative. Sonogram which may or may not result in a different biopsy had been scheduled for Monday 9/19 but was moved up to tomorrow Wednesday 9/14 because guess what? After 3 days clear, I started bleeding again. Which is why I have taken to the pen which is mightier than the sword! Thank goodness they can get me in tomorrow because the waiting is worse than anything.
So here is where my crazy mind takes me. My life insurance is all paid up. Split 3 ways – Lulu’s college costs over and above TX Tomorrow Fund is paid in full with a little leftover. Pony Boy and Wise Beyond Her Years can buy a house and Billy Bob can get a decent down-payment his ranch. Silver linings in a worse case scenario. Of course, I don’t know anything yet; I am jumping the gun. Patience has not and never will be my strength. I am trying to relax and find my zen. Music helps immensely. And writing, getting my feelings OUT! My mantra, I can do this, whatever THIS may be. Remember, nothing is ever as bad as it seems.
Boy, it’s going to be a long night!! I’ll post more as I know more because as always, more to come …