Have you ever done something for someone? Uh yes, Jill I am not a sociopath. (see prior blog post)
Was that something little to no benefit for yourself ?
Did the recipient appreciate your actions?
Did you try again, with only their feelings in mind?
Did you do this over and over again invoking the very definition of insanity which is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different outcome
If yes, welcome to my world. I am the proverbial people pleaser. I always have been. I do not recall a time when I made a major life decision without considering what someone else would like. If I did, put myself first, I felt guilt. Almost through osmosis I believe that good little girls do not talk back, we are subservient, the proverbial sugar and spice and everything nice. We nurture and we are caregivers who place others interests above our own. Yes I am stereotyping I know.
So rewind … this is me! … I do this. I have done this my entire life striving to reach some unrealistic ideal. And last week I almost brought Lulu along with me. I almost guilted her into doing something she really didn’t want to do … for me. And my motives were what other people might think … what other people already think. And then, my motive was to reach into the grave and keep my parents from rolling over. This is not how things were supposed to be. Another in J-Dub’s series of unfortunate events. That event is a blog for another day though.
Fortunately, I had an epiphany, a glorious realization because as a mama bear, I want to protect my cub … to save her from feeling that she owes EVERYONE something at the exception or expense of HERSELF.
Thank goodness she stood up to me and said no … in the most polite way, very respectful, almost acquiescing with a firm “I’d be doing this for YOU only” And that is when I realized that ‘no’ was okay and what other people think of us is not our concern.
As always, more to come …
J-Dub's Grin and Bear It 