Just Kidding!

I kid¬†all the time … because … I do not like being serious. ¬†Funny thing is … I am introverted and a class example of wound too tight aka serious. ¬†So instead of saying I do not like to be serious, a better explanation is that I do not like conflict and laughter deflects conflict … well it can¬†… in certain circumstances. ¬†I can cover some times and appear light-hearted when on the inside I am forever¬†over thinking and planning for the worst. ¬†I have an active ongoing lifelong goal to stop this sh**!. ¬† Just once I would like to sit back and roll with the flow. ¬†Fighting the imaginary current is tiresome. ¬†And just lately, in one very small area, I¬†am making headway.

My sweet Lulu is leaving for college in 11 days, not that I’m¬†counting. ¬†I really want her to go and experience what I never did. ¬†I’ve written other blogs and a few FB posts saying please don’t go, adding humor to deflect true feelings. ¬†I was KIDDING. ¬†In this case, my truest feeling is JOY!. ¬†Yes I am happy AND I am NOT going to boo hoo. ¬†That I can promise you. Save your tears for the pillow ala Abby Lee Miller.

I realized my kidding around might be sending the wrong message and I don’t want her to leave on a sour note. ¬†So this weekend we had a heart to heart talk which went something like this …

Me: “You know when I say¬†I don’t want you to leave, that I am just kidding right?”

Lulu: “Yea, I know you’re joking, you’re already having your mid life crisis thing – going out … on a work night … that sort of stuff. ¬†You’re sort of living vicariously through me too though. ¬†I’ll tell you when to dial it back ;)”

Me laughing: “you¬†just wait! ¬†I’m only getting started. I’m not living through you though. ¬† I’d never trade my college experience – the 23 year plan is da bomb. ¬†Plus the beach is just gross. ¬†If cost were no limit, I would’ve gone someplace in the northeast”

Lulu: “Oh and if I haven’t said thank you, then thank you for fighting for me”

Me: “Huh? Fighting? ”

Lulu: “With Dad, I know he¬†doesn’t want me to leave, he wanted me to stay home and go to UTSA. ¬†You had to convince him”

Me thinking: Ah, well he will get there eventually. ¬†She is so perceptive, I wonder when she heard us talking. ¬†But then I realized …

I didn’t fight with Billy-Bob. ¬†I just said we are doing this for her. ¬†No questions allowed. ¬†We are going to roll with the flow and not worry about cost or anything. ¬†We are jumping off the high dive (from the affordability factor) and she is too (from the she’s gotta put in the work factor). ¬†If things don’t work out, they don’t work out. ¬†She’ll learn something in the process and we’ll be there to her support. Simple leap of faith right? ¬†Say right!

And with that, I am done.  Off to watch the Olympics!  So far Rio 2016 has been one to remember!!

As always, more to come …

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