I kid all the time … because … I do not like being serious. Funny thing is … I am introverted and a class example of wound too tight aka serious. So instead of saying I do not like to be serious, a better explanation is that I do not like conflict and laughter deflects conflict … well it can … in certain circumstances. I can cover some times and appear light-hearted when on the inside I am forever over thinking and planning for the worst. I have an active ongoing lifelong goal to stop this sh**!. Just once I would like to sit back and roll with the flow. Fighting the imaginary current is tiresome. And just lately, in one very small area, I am making headway.
My sweet Lulu is leaving for college in 11 days, not that I’m counting. I really want her to go and experience what I never did. I’ve written other blogs and a few FB posts saying please don’t go, adding humor to deflect true feelings. I was KIDDING. In this case, my truest feeling is JOY!. Yes I am happy AND I am NOT going to boo hoo. That I can promise you. Save your tears for the pillow ala Abby Lee Miller.
I realized my kidding around might be sending the wrong message and I don’t want her to leave on a sour note. So this weekend we had a heart to heart talk which went something like this …
Me: “You know when I say I don’t want you to leave, that I am just kidding right?”
Lulu: “Yea, I know you’re joking, you’re already having your mid life crisis thing – going out … on a work night … that sort of stuff. You’re sort of living vicariously through me too though. I’ll tell you when to dial it back ;)”
Me laughing: “you just wait! I’m only getting started. I’m not living through you though. I’d never trade my college experience – the 23 year plan is da bomb. Plus the beach is just gross. If cost were no limit, I would’ve gone someplace in the northeast”
Lulu: “Oh and if I haven’t said thank you, then thank you for fighting for me”
Me: “Huh? Fighting? ”
Lulu: “With Dad, I know he doesn’t want me to leave, he wanted me to stay home and go to UTSA. You had to convince him”
Me thinking: Ah, well he will get there eventually. She is so perceptive, I wonder when she heard us talking. But then I realized …
I didn’t fight with Billy-Bob. I just said we are doing this for her. No questions allowed. We are going to roll with the flow and not worry about cost or anything. We are jumping off the high dive (from the affordability factor) and she is too (from the she’s gotta put in the work factor). If things don’t work out, they don’t work out. She’ll learn something in the process and we’ll be there to her support. Simple leap of faith right? Say right!
And with that, I am done. Off to watch the Olympics! So far Rio 2016 has been one to remember!!
As always, more to come …
J-Dub's Grin and Bear It 