J-Dub’s: A Series of Unfortunate Events #3 With Three Parts

This piece could also be called the luckiest, unlucky guy I know …

Billy Bob is puritan in his work ethic. He much prefers physical activity, does not like to sit still; he is always puttering around doing something even on his time off work.  Over his career, he has had the opportunity to work in the office; to estimate and close deals.  He tried it; he hated it and went back into the field as fast as he could.  No more two-hour lunches to hash out deals while other people REALLY worked … (no offense all you desk jockeys, me being one myself)

My personal experience is that some judge that his trade is somehow less than.  Less than what ?!?!  Pisses me off.  Words cannot describe how practical having him around is … He is super resourceful.  Yes that’s a good word to describe him – resourceful.  So unfortunate to be judged!  Fortunately there are those loving souls out there who do NOT judge.  Good thing there is room in the world for diversity.  We can’t all be MBAs.  Not to diminish academia or white-collar work either; I am just pointing out that one is NOT better than the other – they are just different.

Mini-side bar aka rabbit hole … my nephew is a 17-year-old high school senior.  He wants to be an auto mechanic.  My mother in law is horrified (her words not mine).  I am like “Are you freaking kidding me that is AWESOME!!!”  That is the career his mom (before she died) told him she wished for him because he was naturally mechanically inclined.  Of course why should I expect anything different, the mother in law did the same with her two boys – Billy Bob’s brother by default was better – with college degree and job in the state attorney general’s office while Billy Bob was a lowly laborer (again her words not mine).   WTF, I mean really.  Billy Bob is a sweetheart; super talented … not better just different.  He was a part of the enormous crew that restored the TX state capitol.  He was the freaking Michelangelo of plaster-work, creating beautiful ornate plaster moldings on the domed ceiling.   Who can do that?  Not many! A dying art unfortunately.  Who will the next generation of plasterers be??? … And scene … out of the rabbit hole, hopping along …

Back to the unfortunate events … there are three and here I will divert some from chronological order … 1994 is next then adding 2013 and 2014 before going back to 1996-1998 in future editions.

Unlucky #1 – The summer when Billy Bob was working on the capital, they took time off for the 4th of July – 1994.  I wanted to go to the movies but the so called summer blocker busters were not very good that year.  Plus have I told you?  He can’t sit still; movies are not really his thing.  So instead, we were cleaning house.  This was before Lulu was born and Pony Boy was done with his room so he was outside playing in his fort.

Our stove had a row of candles on the top in various states of melt.  Billy Bob was cleaning out the candle holders with a steak knife … you already know what’s going to happen right??  Not his brightest moment.  He broke the candle holder and the steak knife pierced the tendon in his left hand.  Blood squirted everywhere.  I was across the hall cleaning the bathroom and I hear “Jill, come here”  He doesn’t panic, he calmly walks to the drawer pulls out some kitchen dish towels, wraps his hand  and says, “get Pony Boy, we’re going to the ER”.

SE Baptist Hospital … again … a place jammed packed with all kinds of memories for us.  It’s a holiday and maybe more the usual, we wait and we wait.  A gunshot and motorcycle accident go back before he does … people are staring, and moving away … not sure how many towels he went through.  He would require surgery.  The ER doc did a temporary “stitch” to hold and then an appointment was made with Dr. G for the next day.  The lucky was when his hand was pushed back, the tendon popped out making the repair easy.  Like a rubber band, Dr. G said the tendon could have popped in, the other way = more extensive and invasive surgery.  Billy Bob was fortunate despite having this weird apparatus with his middle finger doing a reverse flipping the bird.  This would have looked like a hook em horns \m/ but the ring finger was not involved  … there was also what looked like fishing line holding everything in place.  He was out of work several weeks that time and he has pain until this day that he is just used to.  Me, that’d be an excuse for permanent disability!!! See people, going to the movies beats cleaning house any day.

Unlucky #2 – March 2013 – Spring break and I am working in Phoenix because it is easier than trying to figure out how to get Lulu to school if I travel while school’s in session.  I always picked March and October for my business travel to Phoenix … back when I used to go twice a year to see my peeps.  I miss Phoenix by the way … that particular job not so much but the people … well I miss them immensely.  What an awesome group of co-workers!!!

Anyway as I get ready to drive to the office my last day there, Billy Bob calls me to say, he’s had a little accident …  torques his back on the job.  This is where we learned the bureaucracy of insurance.  Ah Calgon take me away.  The paperwork: drowning and confusing.  He was at first treated like a criminal, sponge of society, big phat phoney …  when in actuality all he wanted to do was get back to work.  Eventually the carrier ruled him out as a money seeker and did the right thing.

Unfortunately the first authorized treatment made the ailment worse leading down a road of injections and stronger medication than would have otherwise not been needed.  One particular night after the medication stopped working; we ended up at the ER around 2 o’clock in the morning  – Mission Trail this time (no doctors are there by the way; something had changed between 1994 to 2013) I guess this was evidence of the shortages in healthcare.  Billy Bob was in triage, his weight was announced and he looks over and tells, me “life style changes start now, I will not go through this again”.

Unfortunate event, fortunate outcome – to this day in 2016, he is 35 pounds lighter than his all time heaviest.  He couldn’t quite maintain the 60 pound weight loss he reached by the end of 2013.  The weight has been creeping up this past year, by how much he won’t say (but … +25, I can count and not saying doesn’t make it not so) … my guess why was stress over Lulu leaving for school made ice cream a renewed fave.  However, as of Monday 8/22, it is 2013 all over again.  Certain sound lifestyle choices are being made.  So far we have both been good.  Let’s see where this leads …

Unlucky #3 – April 4, 2014.  I am at lunch in the break room @ 12:30ish.  My phone rings, Billy Bob’s face comes across the screen.  I answer “hey”  nothing.  Me again “hey, can you hear me?”

Instead of what I expect, it’s Kimbo.  Cousin and co-worker.  “Jill … Billy Bob’s had a little fall.  He was knocked out and we think he broke his nose.  EMS is with him and he is talking … sort of … so they think he’ll be okay.  I have his keys and wallet which I’ll keep with me.  We’ve got to figure out how to get his truck from the lot before midnight so it is not impounded.  They’re making me go to the office to give a statement.  I’ll call you back when they decide where to take him … either University Hospital or SAMMC”

Unfortunately, the scaffold he was on collapsed and he fell about 10 feet to the floor with it.  Prone, hitting like a belly flop into the water, only there was no water; he fell onto concrete sub-flooring.  Immediate forehead swelling, think Frankenstein. Nose pushed under left eye.  Facial bones pulverized was the word they used.  Right wrist broken and various cuts and bruises.  He spent about 36 hours in surgical ICU.  Released quickly after the brain bleed was ruled out.  He went back for various treatments until he was sprung from the pokey completely in August of 2014.  This unfortunate event was why Lulu didn’t learn to drive that summer as we had originally planned.  It’s why she went a little off the rails herself that September of 2014. Two unfortunate events I may or I may NOT write about in later blogs.  Only to add, everything did NOT go not as planned but everything is still as it SHOULD be!

Fortunate, he was working at the St. Anthony Hotel and EMS was at he NIX so they walked over to him in less than 5 minutes.  Plus he ended up at SAMMC where trauma is the name of the game.  Fortunate, he did not re-injure his back.  His recovery this time was aided by a 60 pound weight loss he had maintained.  Unfortunate, he only has about 80% mobility in his right wrist, fortunate he has reached his maximum mobility index and he can work with that.  Could have been so much worse, a slight turn one way or another and bam, wheelchair, brain injury. re-learning to walk and talk.  I am not minimizing what did happen because that was BAD too … and I didn’t even unleash all the gory details … and there were facial surgeries gone bad and other assorted messes … though in the end, it is just … well as my daddy would have said … “no harm done, it could’ve been worse”

Now for the lucky parts:

#1 – he is married to ME :).  Hehe, very funny … I know … I thought so too … actually that’s kind of lucky for both of us don’t you think ?!

#2 – he is stronger now; we all are … we learned what we are made of.  Injury and/or illness can either push you together or tear you apart – in our case the bond was sealed forever.

And #3 – since I have known him, he wins at any raffle he enters, he has won several thousand dollars on scratch off lottery tickets.  He’s just lucky that way; always has been! Maybe karma is offsetting some of the unlucky following him around … who knows?!?!?  March 2013 and April 2014 became superstitious months for him … (well me).  My fears dictated that if we made it through May 2015 and June 2016 then he’d be home free.  Of course July 2017 will be a jittery month … you’ll see.  Anyways, that is all for now except to say:

Life is too short … “theirs is not to reason why, theirs is but to do or die” ~  Alfred, Lord Tennyson.

As always, more to come …

Here he is in hog heaven …

The Empty Nest: So Far So …

The Empty Nest: So Far So …GOOD.  Dare I say awesome!  We came home to an empty house one week ago to the day.  Flashback to June 27, 1988, after that our house would be constantly FULL … until now.  But like riding the proverbial bike, we could get used to this “new” or “renewed” life together.  In just a short week, I realized that I really do still like him … I mean I really LIKE LIKE him as kids might say.

Don’t get me wrong, we MISS Lulu immensely, but change is inevitable and this change is good.  And at only two hours away, there will be weekend visits.  Not every weekend, but some, just enough.  At first I was all uh no, YOU wanted to go away, not me … so see ya … come Thanksgiving … (in my head only,  I never said this to her out loud & I am ashamed I even thought it).  And then, in the blink of an eye, life changed for a former co-worker of mine.  The unimaginable and she will never have another phone call, meal, etc… with her child.  My heart breaks for her and her family.  I am reminded that life is just too damn short.  Lulu is alive and we want to see her simply because we can.  And like I said she is only two hours away … not across the country.

My memories are running rampant.  And I remember my first time truly on my own.  While I never went away to school, I did leave the nest … I just didn’t go far.  I was about 4-5 miles from my parent’s house and I visited them often.  When we married, after that first year, we bought a house right in between 7 miles from one set of parents and about 9 from the other.  There was the occasional weekend get together too.  Before cell phones – the original FaceTime.  Therefore, we just decided that easing into this separation is okay too just as long as we do not stall out along the way.

Wish us luck.  As always, more to come …

J-Dub’s: A Series of Unfortunate Events Part Two

From the time I was eight years old, when my mom had cancer until 1987, things went pretty well.  Being from a big family, many things happened:  the good, the bad and the ugly …. some truly unfortunate events (with blessings mixed in) … BUT not to me directly.  I decided in this series that I would only write about what happened to me because it is not my place to speak for someone else.  I know how I’d feel if someone else tried to tell MY story.

We all have our perceptions and versions of events.  Our perception is our reality and no two are alike … similar maybe … but not the same.  I remember talking to my brother Jimbo Pete about things from our shared childhood where I’d say “OH YES, I remember that trip, it was so much FUN!” to which he almost always replied “Ya but …”

Same trip, same experience, completely different perception.  I guess he didn’t like sand sandwiches as much as I did :).  Either that or at four years old, I was too young to realize we were roughing it when we camped by the jetty in Port A.

Anyway, I’ve gone down my proverbial rabbit hole. AGAIN!  Now back to topic.  The next unfortunate event occurred in July to October of 1987.  Here’s the back story:  I was 22 years old, working and going to college.  I took Saturday classes because it was just easier.  This gave me time for homework, etc.. without taking away too much of Billy-Bob’s and my time together.  Every Saturday for 16 weeks, when class was over, I’d stop by to see my Mamaw; to visit and eat lunch with her.  These were super special times because I had her all to myself.  She would tell me stories of her growing up.  Life in New Berlin and Seguin.  Oh how in hindsight I wished I had recorded her or at least written down because these family stories, died with her.

In November 1986, we had a bday dinner for my brother.  Mamaw was driving herself over.  She was late, uncharacteristically so.  We called her … way before cell phones and her land line just rang and rang.  We almost sent out a search party when she arrived at our door.  She told us she had fallen asleep and never heard the phone ringing.  She woke up, got ready and came on over.  That dinner was uneventful.  No more questions were asked.  It was the first of many times where she “fell asleep”.  When in reality, she was in pain and trying to find out what was causing said pain.

In July of 1987, Mamaw went in for exploratory surgery.  I went to work as normal that day.  My mom and uncles promised to call me and keep me informed.  Of course, I could not concentrate at work.  We were BUSY … phones ringing off the hook as was and still is typical for summers in a call center … summer surge we called it.  My senior KB asked me what was wrong and that’s when I lost it, I had been holding back and the tears easily came.  My grandma was sick but they didn’t know why and she was going into surgery as we speak. KB sent me home, told me she’d clear it with our boss Mister P … “me but I can’t it’s too busy” but she was steadfast “this place will roll along without you and you know where you NEED to be”

I drove to SE Baptist hospital.  Found my family in the waiting room and we waited and we waited.  A nurse came in and said Dr. F was closing up and would be out shortly to brief us.  Then we waited … and waited … and there was nothing short about it.  When Dr. F finally did come out, he explained while closing, they found something and we had a diagnosis.  Liver cancer, that had spread.  He calmly told us that there was nothing they could do except to make her comfortable for whatever time she had left.  He stopped short of saying how long and I do not remember anyone asking, just however long it took … and they’d make her comfortable.  I do remember my cousin asking “isn’t  the liver an organ than can repair itself?” and Dr. F saying “that didn’t change the prognosis here”.  To this day, I am struck with the memory of how compassionate Dr. F was … he was such a calming presence.  No stereotypical surgeon god-complex – super-ego.

I told Billy Bob that night that I wanted to have a baby.  Before my G-ma died.  Our original plan was to wait at least five years … since we were so young when we married. Plus I had school to finish and a few other things we both wanted to do before we had kids but when you hear – “we cannot cure her, only make her comfortable” plans change.   Emotions run wild and a cooler mind might have continued to wait but back then, I was young and impulsive instead of the calculating, analytical individual I am today.

Despite best efforts, Mamaw was in a lot of pain.  The nursing home took good care of her though.  We visited everyday and became friendly with other residents.  They all had varying degrees of health issues and some of the more ambulatory were quite good company.  I was reminded of Mimi our neighbor with a heart of gold.  They looked out for each other same as Mimi did for our whole neighborhood.  We didn’t have to adhere to visiting hours.  We were always greeted with kindness and automatically became pseudo-family.

It was a cool day in October 1987, the day my Mamaw died.  That morning Billy Bob and I had a fight.  Over what I cannot remember.  Just a little tiff, minor disagreement which delayed our arrival at the nursing home.  More than likely I was ready and he wasn’t.  “you’re such a girl hurry up” which would have made him slow down even more.  Anyway, when we parked, I saw my uncle looking out the window and I instantly knew.  He came out to meet us and told us Mamaw had passed.  Both my uncles were with her at the end, one telling her it was ok to go, that heaven surely must be beautiful and to tell daddy (my Pappaw) and Papa (my great grandpa) hello.  Billy-Bob felt guilty and kept apologizing for making us late.  I let him off the hook though, because I love him and because things turned out as they were supposed to be.  I was not supposed to be in her room that day.  And Billy-Bob true to form, was able to move past any guilt.  Me, even now, when someone says “it’s okay” I still feel tremendous guilt.  Over anything.  I am jealous of people who do NOT operate that way.

The silver lining and there always is one … I was pregnant.  I just didn’t know it yet but as we were planning the funeral, I found out.  God took care of me and gave me something to take my mind off what would have otherwise destroyed me.  Temporarily destroyed me maybe.  Blessings in the pain.  Little T-Spoon was born in June of 1988.  He is our sonshine, light of our lives.  He is spunky in much the way she was and I would remark often in his earliest days that he had her spirit.  He came along not according to our plan but DEFINITELY as it should be.  Turns out two of my dear high school friends were expecting too – April, May and June of 1988 made for a year to remember.

And with that, I will end my novella.  Thank you to anyone who made it this far.  Whew! I really do feel better.

As always, more to come …

 

 

Going Off The Rails On This Crazy Train

Have you ever done something for someone?  Uh yes, Jill I am not a sociopath. (see prior blog post)

Was that something little to no benefit for yourself ?

Did the recipient appreciate your actions?

Did you try again, with only their feelings in mind?

Did you do this over and over again invoking the very definition of insanity which is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different outcome

If yes, welcome to my world.  I am the proverbial people pleaser.  I always have been.  I do not recall a time when I made a major life decision without considering what someone else would like.  If I did, put myself first, I felt guilt.  Almost through osmosis I believe that good little girls do not talk back, we are subservient, the proverbial sugar and spice and everything nice.  We nurture and we are caregivers who place others interests above our own.  Yes I am stereotyping I know.

So rewind … this is me! … I do this.  I have done this my entire life striving to reach some unrealistic ideal.  And last week I almost brought Lulu along with me.  I almost guilted her into doing something she really didn’t want to do … for me.  And my motives were what other people might think … what other people already think.  And then, my motive was to reach into the grave and keep my parents from rolling over.  This is not how things were supposed to be.  Another in J-Dub’s series of unfortunate events.  That event is a blog for another day though.

Fortunately, I had an epiphany, a glorious realization because as a mama bear, I want to protect my cub … to save her from feeling that she owes EVERYONE something at the exception or expense of HERSELF.

Thank goodness she stood up to me and said no … in the most polite way, very respectful, almost acquiescing with a firm “I’d be doing this for YOU only” And that is when I realized that ‘no’ was okay and what other people think of us is not our concern.

As always, more to come …

 

Owen Meany Scores

I’m enjoying my renewed favorite pastime.  I’ve recently read a few biographies making light of tough times.  Authors using humor as a coping mechanism.  I can relate as that’s my modus operandi as well. Laughter truly is the BEST medicine and attitude IS everything.  Not magic like one can wish herself well but at least the time is tolerable as life goes on … until it doesn’t.

So what’s this got to do with Owen Meany? Well the novel: A prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving is a story with laughter.  A story of two best friends growing up together.  I am struck by how a fictional story can be so realistic. The characters are people you’d swear you knew.

Owen is supposed to be very small in stature and have a very distinct voice.  Mr Irving gets this point across by using all CAPS when writing Owen’s dialog.  I find myself reading with my inside voice mimicking a gravelly voice trying to yell.  My own one man show.  And I’m laughing out loud at some of the scenes.  People in this waiting room are looking at me as I am reading because I can’t help but laugh.

I don’t remember much of seeing Simon Birch, the movie this book is loosely based on but I know that movie can’t do justice to what my mind makes up reading his written word.  Mr Irving, you’re a genius.

Picture this … The occasion is a wedding.  A large New England homestead.  The garden is set for the reception.  The guests are only allowed to use the downstairs bathrooms and there is a long line.

Hester tries to sneak upstairs to another bathroom.  After all she is family but grandmother catches her and says no.

Her two brothers Noah and Simon along with John and Owen tease Hester and say ha ha we will just use the bushes.   Too bad you can’t.  Hester storms outside after the boys.  Makes them stand guard while she uses the bushes too.  For some unknown reason her white cotton panties come all the way off and are given to Owen to hold.  He freaks out and shoves them in his suit pocket. After putting them on his head that is … lol!

Some other silliness ensues and Owen refuses to return the undies.  Hester hisses at him to give them back but he’s always purposefully standing by an adult saying are you sure you want then back now?!?  Hester hissing no not now!

Eventually as the bride and groom are leaving the reception a thunderstorm hits.   Hester’s  pretty yellow dress is plastered to her skin and her mom seeing this yells Hester what is wrong with you and why aren’t you wearing your panties?  Hester runs inside crying as the boys just look at each other.  Like don’t ask me.  Years later the belief is that Owen kept the underwear … all these years… as a souvenir … just like the armadillo claws.   Another funny story within the story.

Can’t you just picture it?   The boys: Noah, Simon, Johnny and Owen with poor Hester.  The teasing of brotherly-cousinly-friendly love.  I’m only 28% into this Kindle edition too.  This is a never ending saga and I’m in for the long haul.  Won’t you ride along with me?

As always, more to come …

 

 

 

 

I love old people. Especially old men.

Mind outta the gutter people.  I’m sitting here waiting for my doctor.  There’s an older gentleman with his son waiting too.  The nurse calls him back and he says “ok let me start my Cadillac” it’s his walker.  He is being funny.  He then says  “it’s an older model because there are no air bags”.  That’s him.  So sweet.  I just LOVE him.  Makes me miss my daddy. Makes me think in act 3 I’ll be volunteering at the nursing home.

Feeling blessed.  Hoping for a diagnosis.  Happy Thursday one and all. Make it a good one.

As always, more to come …

Addendum: just so happened that we checked out at the same time.  My older gentleman crush was with his grandson not his son.  Even better because the grandson reminded me of T.  Man bun and all.  His G’Pa kept cracking wise. “I think I’ll just sit here and make my grandson wheel me out …  And don’t tell on me to his mother.  My daughter wants me to walk before I can’t walk any longer. Pfft.  Walking is overrated.” He is so cute !!!!! I might have to follow him home.

The Possibilities

Lulu and I had some deep conversations before she left for school.  She was understandably nervous and sad.  She was leaving her girls.  The three Ws who for four years sat/stood by each other every time they did anything alphabetically.  Friends who had had each other’s backs and who always accepted each other automatically … No conditions … No matter what.  No questions asked.  They said goodbye.  All going  separate ways with tears and promises to stay in touch.

They probably won’t.  Stay in touch. I didn’t tell Lulu that though.  Why make it worse.  And … I could be wrong.  Wouldn’t be the first time. What I did say was this:

I hope you’re excited baby girl. You haven’t even met the people that’ll be with you the rest of your life   Just think about that.  This is a beginning.   Full of choices.  And I know you’ll choose well.

I recently read that if you stay friends for seven years, you’ll stay friends forever.  That explains the St Margaret Mary’s crew.  K to 8th for most of us.  That also explains my dear work friends.  Of course there are no rules of friendship.  Not true friendship anyways.  The heart wants what the heart wants.

I’ll leave you with this tune 🎶 Make new friends but keep the old.  One is silver and the others gold 🎶    

As always, more to come.

Space Alien

I am reminded of Robert Heinlein’s book “A stranger in a strange land “.   That’s me today at HOB1.  😱   I think I’ve seen the trailer for a movie loosely based on this book.

As always. More come.

The Truth Hurts – If they don’t love you for who you are, then they really don’t Love YOU!!!

Re-blogging a pearl of wisdom. Juno!

I’m Not The Sun

… your world does not revolve around me.

Sometimes people will ask the secret to Billy Bob and I staying married so long.  See prior posts “They said it’d never last”.  I’m mean really we were expected to be another divorce statistic by marrying so young … just 19 and 20.  What’d we know anyway?!???

Nothing   We knew nothing then.  We know nothing now … almost 32 years in.    There’s no “secret” to our success   Dare I say we were just “lucky”

1-I’ve often heard marriage is hard work   Not so for us.

2-You’ve got to give and give and give.   Have you met me yet?   I can give but do I have to (just kidding)

3-Put the other person’s needs first. Well yes as long as he does the same for you when your turn comes.

4-Do everything (or most things) together.  No football is boring and he doesn’t like to travel.

I love Billy Bob immensely. but our interests are diverse as you can see. We are perfectly content to lead semi-separate lives as long as we come back to each other              … eventually.  When we are together the time spent becomes that much more special.

There’s an expression “a safe place to land”   He is that for me and I am that for him.  Harbors in the storm of life and we’ve been through some squalls.

Yesterday I saw a quote that I’ll paraphrase here because I’m old and I forget.   Basically  the pearl of wisdom went something like this:

Love is not about always being together.   Love is about being apart and nothing changes.  

That’s the secret if there ever was one    TRUST!  Followed in no particular order by RESPECT and LOVE❤️

Caveat the above applies to us. Pave your own love path.  As always, more to come …