Picture Faye Dunaway playing Joan Crawford in “Mommy Dearest”. She has faked an illness, but she is all made up watching the Academy Awards. She has her assistant and children with her – surrounding her for morale support. She is pacing, and drinking, and listening, and then she hears it, she WINS! Fans and paparazzi will be outside her home. She knows this and has prepared for this moment of glory. She throws open the window sash, goes onto the balcony and gives a speech with grandeur spouting the love of her fans. I can’t quote the scene because I do not remember the words but I can still FEEL raw emotion. That my friends is the the power of movies. All forms of art really. When done right art makes you FEEL something … something larger than life.
Well that’s how I feel … this morning … at this moment … Friday 7/22/16 at 10:25 am … I feel jittery, manic, BIG … larger than life. My day did not start out that way. This morning, I could not get myself out of bed. I am nervous, taking a day off work, a mental health day – a scheduled mental health day by the way. Friday – to chillax, Monday to get final outcome. Tuesday to resume normalcy or whatever our new normal means. I wanted to stay in my sweet cocoon. In fact, I am half way thinking I might go lie down again. But NO! My cocoon was getting sour. After the briefest thought, mind racing, the decision is made … I … WILL … get … up! I … WILL … power … through!
Is that not the saddest thing you’ve ever heard? I have to power through. Which insinuates struggle. Because living is a struggle. Self-created true, at least in my case but angst by the boatload surrounds me just the same. Then a funny thing happens as I write this post (funny strange not funny ha-ha) … my angst slowly begins to fade.
Whatever poison invaded my mind overnight is running through my veins and all around my circulatory system affecting my thoughts and finally pouring from my brain to my fingers to the keyboard to this page. Ah-mazing. That my friends is the power of written expression. That my friends is the power of positive thinking. That my friends is the power within all of us. My wish for you is to find your power too.
For me, power comes from my attitude which is my new drug of choice. I can do really fantastic tricks with my mind, forcing happiness. How I get to happy is not as important as JUST getting there, by any legal, unharmful ways at my disposal. Perhaps force is too strong a word though. Finding just the right verse – be it bible or otherwise. Emotionally affects me. I read, I think, I become. I get to choose and today I choose happiness – well happiness at this moment, I cannot guarantee I won’t slip back before the day is done. In my mind, I keep thinking: It IS what it IS until it ISN’T. Worry does nothing to change that. Poof! Like magic. I am calm. I think I’ll go read.
As always, more to come.
J-Dub's Grin and Bear It 