To Swear Just Like A Sailor

Book Club

F Yeah!  My sensibility makes me abbreviate my F bomb though.  My mother would be rolling over in her grave if she heard me cuss.  In my mind I can go on a diatribe using foul filthy language but saying those words out loud does not come easy to me.  You know you’re really special to me if I let my guard down and you’ve heard me swear just like a sailor.

This sentiment might explain why I loved the book People I Want to Punch in the Throat: Competitive Crafters, Drop-Off, and Other Suburban Scourges by Jen Mann.  She writes/says out loud what I think.  When she talks about her Hubs, it could be me talking about my Bri-Bri.  The laughter, shared sense of humor, all the inside jokes with mutual respect.

Jen has a laugh out loud funny take on the burbs and its’ inhabitants aka the room mom that’ll cut you and your birthday party needs a theme mom … I mean I really think I know those women.  In my second mommy rodeo (with Paige) I stayed out of the fray and did not have those types of experiences but with T-Spoon, oh yes I did.  The competition was fierce.  I am glad I learned my lesson and by the time baby girl came along, I didn’t roll that way.

I can relate to going out in public wearing pajamas.  For the record, there is NOTHING wrong with that.  My pajamas are not all God Bless America (and thongs).  They are an equivalent of yoga pants and a T-shirt or a really ratty house dress but still modest.   And who the hell died and made the public judge of other’s appearance.  Far too many times we are wrapped too tight over appearance and what’s on the outside.  A common recurring theme in my blog.  I just can’t seem to escape it.

If I could do anything over again in my writing, I’d give my family pseudonyms.  Too freaking funny.  Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.  Read this and call me Jenni Mann.  LOL.  I just picked out their new names.  Bri would be William Robert aka Billy-Bob aka B Big squared.  Thomas Noah is already T or T-Spoon but he would be Pony Boy and stay Gold.  Paige would be Louise.

No joke – seriously, she hates her name.  Our conversations go something like this …

  • Paige “Mom did you know when you named me that Paige means servant?”
  • Me “Well of course Cinderella, who else is going to cook and clean”
  • Paige “That’s not even funny!”
  • Me “You were named after my love of reading AND Pony Boy’s 3rd grade teacher.  What do you wish you had been named instead?”
  • Paige “Louise … Louise Noelle Witherspoon” (when she was younger she said Whitney Olivia so her initials would be WOW).
  • Me”YES! Louise is perfect! after my Daddy and Mamaw but of course we’d have to call you Lu-Lu”.
  • Paige “uh, nevermind”

Sometime it is fun just to re-name yourself and be a completely different person.  Try it, be whoever YOU want to be!

Anyway, you’ve GOT to read the book … if for no other reason … read it to fully understand my reference to God Bless America (and thongs).  You’ll laugh out loud.  I dare you not to 🙂

More to come …

 

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