Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff …

and it’s all small stuff. ¬†And yes I know that I am not being original. ¬†Thank you Richard Carlson for your 1997 motivational book. ¬†I refer to it often, brings me peace of mind. ¬†Another thing I recently read that struck a cord¬†and¬†that I will repeat here is that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. ¬†English proverb ~ author unknown or the poet Ovid depending what you find.

I disagree … the grass is not always greener. ¬†Lawns can have¬†brown patches everywhere … equally bad all around OR maybe, just maybe it is the green that thrives?¬† I am looking for ways to find that silver lining and keep on swimming. ¬†A recurring theme as I ¬†am channeling my inner zen … today had been a good day. ¬†I have decided making it so!

More to come

I’m Becoming The Protagonist!!!

I love/hate when that happens …

I checked out six eBooks from the San Antonio Public library¬†yesterday. ¬†That’s probably too many books to read in 21 days but I just could not decide. ¬†I inhale books anyway so a DEEP breath and away I go. ¬†The first one “IT WAS ME ALL ALONG” by Andie Mitchell hooked me from the start. ¬†It’s a non-fiction gem¬†and that probably explains why I am projecting. ¬†I think that’s the psychological term for what I am experiencing … PROJECTING. ¬†Yes I am a certifiable Web MD, Monday morning quarterback, self diagnosing shrink.

The descriptions of food well oh my gawd. ¬†I am sure I have¬†a non-specified eating disorder. ¬†I am not joking. ¬†The topic is not a funny one. ¬†Laughter might¬†bring some levity and help deal with the situation and I DO crack-wise to deflect (another term, thank you Web MD)my true deep introverted feelings but I’d never joke about any eating disorder.

One thing I know for sure is that we¬†cannot tell if someone is healthy solely¬†from the outside. ¬†Example, My skinny former co-worker who ate¬†once a day at work, never ate dinner and fasted all day most weekends. ¬†She was also addicted to diuretics. ¬†¬†She was¬†not healthy but she looked it. ¬†I cringe when I go back to the home office and someone says to me¬†“Jill you look good, I like the new hair color; your hair it is getting so long (that I like – thank you Lori Kelley). ¬†Have you lost some weight?, I can tell in your face (that I don’t) .”

I’ll say thanks but think uh yep but that’s stress and skipping meals – worrying about my kiddos and life’s global problems. ¬†I gave up my walking habit (too damn hot I tell myself, we’ll see if I start again¬†in September???) and I’m generally a slug most days. ¬†I think how easy it’d be to get back up to 175 lbs. ¬†And how FUN! NO not really. ¬†I know I’d only feel worse anyway. ¬†Instead I obsess over food.

People are hyper-focused¬†with what’s on the outside. ¬†WAKE UP people it’s what’s on the inside that¬†counts. ¬†I fall victim to that too and God¬†help me … the guilt … it¬†consumes me overwhelming sadness sets in when I realize what I’ve done to my sweet baby girl. ¬†I’m the worst person¬†ever.

But I don’t have the worst person ever forover because¬†today I decide to change! ¬†Yep just like that. POOF done! And in the spirit of keep on swimming and there is always a silver lining, I get to read books … like this one … that teach me a¬†lesson … a lesson that I didn’t even realize I needed until I got schooled. ¬†Schooled in the BEST¬†way possible. ¬†THANK YOU Andie Mitchell for being brave enough to share your story. ¬†Thank you folks, if you made it to the end of this rambling.

As always, more to come …